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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22370791">Anger Is An Energy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/howardtduck48/pseuds/howardtduck48'>howardtduck48</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sex Education (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:55:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,587</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22370791</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/howardtduck48/pseuds/howardtduck48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Otis arrives at Maeve's caravan to ask if she got his message. When she opens the door, her response isn't what he had hoped for.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Otis Milburn/Maeve Wiley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>292</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Anger Is An Energy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The ending to Season 2 caused a disturbance in my Force and I needed to write something so I can get back to my happy story. I hope this works.</p><p>Thanks to John Lydon for the title.</p><p>This begins with that heart-wrenching shot of Maeve sitting on her sofa, pillow clutched to herself, crying.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Anger Is An Energy</strong>
</p><p>Maeve heard the knock on the door and looked across the room through tear-blurred eyes. The knock repeated and Maeve resentfully tossed aside the pillow she was clutching and rose from the sofa, rubbing the tears from her face as best she could.</p><p>She opened the door to see Otis standing on the bottom step and a wave of weary anger washed through her.</p><p>"What the fuck do you want?" she asked, tired.</p><p>Otis looked up at Maeve standing in the doorway of her caravan, regretful but unsurprised at her tone.</p><p>"I just came in person to—" he began, then stopped. "Did you get my message?"</p><p>"What?" Maeve snapped.</p><p>"I sent—" Otis stopped as he sensed something else in her tone, her posture. "Is something wrong, Maeve?" he asked.</p><p>"I can't deal with this shit now, Otis. Go home," Maeve said and dragged the door closed.</p><p>Otis stood crestfallen on the doorstep and a greater understanding of his recent behaviour and the consequences washed through him.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Maeve. I've been so stupid and you deserve so much better," he called, forlornly, then turned and started walking away.</p><p>He was near the caravan opposite when he heard Maeve's voice behind him, calling, "I shopped my mum today."</p><p>Otis turned, shocked, and saw Maeve holding her caravan door open, leaning against the doorway.</p><p>He slowly started walking back to her, unsure what to say. When he reached the foot of her stairs he stopped and simply looked up at her.</p><p>Maeve looked down at him and Otis finally saw the depths of her sadness. "She was using again. I thought Elsie was going to get hurt."</p><p>Otis moved onto the first step and murmured, "I'm so sorry."</p><p>"She said she'll never forgive me."</p><p>Otis reached the top step and said, "Oh, Maeve…"</p><p>"She was going mental. She hates me now."</p><p>Otis looked at her, unsure how to react. He stared into Maeve's eyes and held his arms open uncertainly and she stepped into them, embracing him. He closed his arms around her and gently stroked her back.</p><p>"You did what you needed to do to protect Elsie," Otis murmured and ignored the tears that he could feel falling onto his neck.</p><p>Maeve gave him a grateful squeeze and he removed his arms and stepped back.</p><p>She stared into his eyes and said, "You can come in, if you want."</p><p>Her voice wasn't exactly welcoming but nor was it forbidding.</p><hr/><p>Maeve sat on her sofa, hugging a pillow against herself. Otis sat at the far end, watching her both cautiously and with concern.</p><p>"What's going to happen to Elsie?" he asked quietly.</p><p>"If she's lucky, she'll go back to her dad's mum."</p><p>"Will you see her again?"</p><p>Maeve shrugged. "Probably not."</p><p>Otis hesitated then asked, "Do you want to see her again?"</p><p>"She's better off not knowing me."</p><p>"No way, Maeve" said Otis, startled. "I saw you at school. You really, really love her. And she looked as if she loved you, too. She was so comfortable with you. You had been really looking after her."</p><p>Maeve pressed her lips together and sniffed. "I don't know if they'll let me."</p><p>"You can always—" began Otis, then stopped. "I'm sorry," he said, subdued. "I don't have a right to push."</p><p>Maeve looked up at him. "I'll see."</p><p>"If I can do anything to help. Mum knows people."</p><p>"Thanks," Maeve said.</p><p>They settled into silence for a while until Maeve looked at her phone.</p><p>"You sent me a message?" she asked.</p><p>Otis sat forward, alarmed. "Just delete it, Maeve. It's not important. I've told you the important things. I'm stupid, I'm sorry and you deserve better. And I'm proud of you."</p><p>Maeve looked curiously at him then picked up the phone to listen to the message.</p><p>Otis watched her in dismay. "If I'd known, I wouldn't have sent it."</p><p>When she finished listening, she dropped the hand carrying the phone into her lap and did her best not to let her face crumple.</p><p>"Fuck you, Milburn," he heard her murmur.</p><p>Otis held his breath, realising something he had been too naïve to realise earlier.</p><p>"Do you expect me to say 'I love you' back?" Maeve almost sneered.</p><p>Otis shook his head. "I had hoped but… sometimes people can break things so badly they can never be repaired. Can't they?"</p><p>Maeve glared at Otis. "I love you. There. Happy?"</p><p>Otis blinked tears away and pressed his lips together, trying to keep his breath steady.</p><p>"Oh, look," said Maeve, staring around the caravan. "Sparkling snowflakes are falling from the ceiling and suddenly my life isn't complete and utter shit. Isn't love grand?"</p><p>Otis swallowed and murmured, "I'm sorry."</p><p>Maeve glared at him for a moment then said, "Do you want to fuck?"</p><p>Otis recoiled, startled and unsure. "What?"</p><p>"We're in love with each other. You're not a virgin anymore. Come on, let's fuck," she said, a sneer edging her voice.</p><p>"I don't—"</p><p>"Then why the fuck are you here if you don't want to fuck me?" Maeve snapped. "I know you wanted to fuck Ola even if you didn't love her."</p><p>"I… I…," Otis stammered.</p><p>"I… I…," Maeve mocked.</p><p>"That wasn't why…" Otis began then allowed his voice to falter away.</p><p>Maeve glared at him then dropped her head and said, flatly, "Get out."</p><p>Otis stared at her numbly for a few moments.</p><p>"I said, get out," she repeated, head down, trying to stop the tears flowing.</p><p>Otis nodded and sniffed then stood and walked to the door. He turned the handle and pushed it open.</p><p>"Did Ruby mean anything to you?" Maeve asked.</p><p>Otis stopped and pulled the door closed, turning back to face her.</p><p>"I only know we had sex because she told me," he said.</p><p>"She assaulted you?" Maeve asked.</p><p>"No," said Otis, quickly. "We both wanted it."</p><p>"How do you know?"</p><p>"Because I remember dancing with her. I mean, real close. And I remember my erection pushing against her bum. And she said she turned around and let me know she felt it and I asked her if she wanted to go up to my room and have sex and she said yes. Apparently, I'm not that good at it."</p><p>"You believe her?"</p><p>"Yes," he said.</p><p>"Why the fuck would Ruby want to have sex with you?"</p><p>Otis shrugged. "Maybe she felt sorry for me."</p><p>"Ruby's a fucking stuck-up bitch. She could never feel sorry for anybody but herself."</p><p>"We're not always what we seem," Otis said quietly. "I mean, are you the hard bitch who doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything except when you want something?"</p><p>"You seem to think so," Maeve said and the hurt in her voice was clear.</p><p>"I am so sorry, Maeve," Otis said, sitting on the sofa near her, but not too near. "I didn't mean any of those things I said at the party."</p><p>"Alcohol doesn't put anything in there. It just lets it out," Maeve said.</p><p>Otis nodded, trying to swallow his shame.</p><p>"Why would you say I was playing with your feelings?" Maeve asked softly.</p><p>"Because I'm an arsehole."</p><p>"I found that out at the party," Maeve said, wryly.</p><p>Otis nodded and took a deep breath. "These are reasons, Maeve. Not excuses."</p><p>Maeve nodded, hoping he could see she understood.</p><p>Otis gathered his thoughts for a moment, then said, "Because you told me you liked me when you knew I was in a relationship with Ola. Because Jackson said that you broke up with him because you said you were in love with me. But you still weren't with me. And all I could think of is that you were fucking with both of us because why else wouldn't you come and tell me after you broke up with Jackson?"</p><p>Maeve took a few soft breaths before speaking quietly. "I came to see you after you sent me the letter and the trophy. And you were kissing Ola."</p><p>Otis' mouth dropped open and he took in a quiet breath.</p><p>"I'd been hoping you liked me," she continued. "At the dance, I was hoping I was the one you said you couldn't stop thinking about. Then seeing you with Ola, I knew I was wrong."</p><p>Otis sighed and seemed to collapse into himself. "I liked Ola. I really did. I felt really comfortable around her. She's very smart. Very funny. And when she asked me out, I knew she liked me, too. So when I finally realised what an arsehole I'd been to the two of you, I apologised to both of you as best I could and let Ola know I really liked her."</p><p>"But you liked me more," Maeve said.</p><p>"I loved you. But I never thought you could like me like that, Maeve," Otis said.</p><p>"I tried to kiss you on the fucking bridge, dickwad," Maeve said incredulously.</p><p>"I just thought… it was a trying day and you just…"</p><p>"Thought I'd suck face with the nearest available warm body for comfort."</p><p>"I'd hoped it was more but then you were back with Jackson."</p><p>"Because you wouldn't fucking kiss me."</p><p>Otis nodded and sighed and said, "I just never thought I could be your type."</p><p>Maeve looked at him curiously. "Isaac picked up that you were my type the moment he looked at you."</p><p>"He did?"</p><p>"Funny and charming in a sweet, non-threatening way."</p><p>Otis pressed his lips together then said, ashamed, "A sweet, non-threatening person wouldn't have said what I said."</p><p>"You hadn't said it then," Maeve said softly.</p><p>"Is he… do… when I saw him at the party I thought he was your boyfriend. I <em>was</em> jealous."</p><p>"I didn't bring him to make you jealous. I don't think. He just followed me. Like a stray puppy I didn't have the heart to send away."</p><p>"He's not your boyfriend?" Otis asked, then frowned. "I'm sorry. Not my right to ask."</p><p>Maeve smiled to herself. "He wants to be. He's got the hots for me."</p><p>"You looked very happy with him at the party," Otis said.</p><p>"He's a funny guy. I'm glad he was there. Would have been a completely shitty night without him."</p><p>Otis nodded, sadly.</p><p>"He said he gets me more than you do," Maeve said.</p><p>Otis took in a slow breath.</p><p>"He said you wouldn't understand the shit me and him have gone through," she continued. "It's not part of your world."</p><p>Otis swallowed.</p><p>"He's right," she said.</p><p>Otis let his eyes drop to the floor.</p><p>"I wish I could be the person you deserve, Maeve," Otis said, quietly.</p><p>"Maybe you are who I deserve."</p><p>"No," Otis said, looking up at her. "You deserve someone who isn't going to hurt you like I did. Someone who gets you in those ways I never could."</p><p>Maeve stared at him for a moment then said, "Do you want something to eat? I can make an omelette."</p><p>"I can help—"</p><p>"No," Maeve said firmly and walked over to the fridge.</p><p>Otis watched her, his heart breaking at all the pain she was feeling, hating himself for causing his bit of it.</p><p>"Shit," Maeve said and slammed the fridge door. "I've run out of milk."</p><p>"The café near the supermarket should still be open. They make omelettes," Otis said.</p><p>Maeve studied him then nodded. "I'm paying for my own."</p><p>Otis nodded and Maeve picked up her phone and her purse and ushered him outside.</p><hr/><p>Otis and Maeve walked along the path toward the shops in silence until his discomfort forced Otis to say something.</p><p>"Mum found out about the clinic," he said. "She's really mad at me."</p><p>"Tell her it was my idea."</p><p>"I was the one who agreed to do it."</p><p>"Only because I forced you to."</p><p>"You didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do," Otis said, firmly.</p><p>Maeve looked at him, curiously.</p><p>"I wanted to hang out with you," he said.</p><p>"You liked me back then?"</p><p>"Yeah," he said, voice small.</p><p>"'Cause you heard all the rumours and thought you'd get a handjob off me."</p><p>"I never believed the rumours, Maeve."</p><p>"Must have liked my boobs, then."</p><p>"There's lots of well-endowed women at school. I've never been interested in any of them."</p><p>"So why?"</p><p>"Because you're strong. You were independent."</p><p>"I'm as hot as fuck," Maeve smirked.</p><p>"I can never tell the difference between appreciating someone's attractiveness and objectifying them."</p><p>"When you first noticed me was your first thought about fucking me?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Then you probably weren't objectifying me."</p><p>"I just wanted to talk to you. See if we had anything to talk about. I'm not interested in sex for the sake of it."</p><p>"So why did you have sex with Ruby?"</p><p>"Because I was drunk?"</p><p>"Does she mean anything to you now?"</p><p>"I hope we can be secret friends," Otis said.</p><p>"Secret friends?"</p><p>"Well, she has a reputation to consider. Can't be seen hanging out with the pale elongated sex kid."</p><p>"If she can't be friends with you in public, she's not worth being your friend," Maeve snapped.</p><p>"Is that what you said about Aimee?" Otis asked, gently.</p><p>Maeve glanced at him. "Aimee's different."</p><p>Otis smiled to himself then remembered. "Hey, you probably don't know. Adam came out at the musical."</p><p>"Adam's gay?" said Maeve, startled.</p><p>"Bisexual. He told Eric he wanted to hold his hand in front of everyone."</p><p>"Adam and Eric?" said Maeve, incredulously.</p><p>"Yeah. Eric says they've been hanging out for a while. Says he's changed."</p><p>"People don't change," Maeve said, dismissively.</p><p>Otis frowned and dropped his head.</p><p>Maeve saw his look and said, "Some people don't change."</p><p>"Eric says he's been really romantic, he just didn't want to be seen in public."</p><p>"Aimee said he could be sweet when nobody's watching," Maeve murmured.</p><p>"Well, he's in public now."</p><p>"Do you think he's changed?"</p><p>"I don't know. I hope so. He said he didn't want to hurt Eric anymore. Maybe now his mum's getting a divorce he'll be better."</p><p>"Mrs Groff has kicked the dickhead out?"</p><p>"He's sleeping at the school."</p><p>"Good," Maeve said. "Groff makes me glad my dad took off."</p><p>"Not all dads are bad," Otis said, then winced at himself, wishing he hadn't.</p><p>"Your dad?"</p><p>"My dad's an arsehole," he said without hesitation.</p><p>"Like father, like son," Maeve murmured.</p><p>Otis nodded grimly. "Ola said I've been so afraid of becoming my dad that I'm becoming just like him."</p><p>"You've spoken to Ola?"</p><p>"She saw us this morning. She must have felt sorry for me."</p><p>"Did you apologise?"</p><p>"A little. I should have said more. I didn't even say the word 'sorry'. She said it was okay but it's not."</p><p>"At least you said something."</p><p>"I haven't said enough to you. You are not selfish, Maeve. That was a really shitty thing to say to you."</p><p>Maeve swallowed and blinked.</p><p>"You give so much of yourself. With your sister. With Ruby and the photo. With me after that video of mum. With your mum."</p><p>Maeve tried to conceal a sniffle, knew she had failed.</p><p>"I don't know how I can ever make it up to you, if you'll even let me try. I know now saying 'I love you' doesn't brush everything away."</p><p>"No, it doesn't," said Maeve, quietly.</p><p>They crested the hill and the lights of the small shopping centre reflected across their faces.</p><hr/><p>Maeve and Otis sat at one of the tables in the café. Maeve pushed her last piece of omelette around the plate, seemingly with no intention of ever eating it.</p><p>"It's been so hard," she said. "I didn't even want to bring mum back into my life. I didn't want to give her another chance to hurt me."</p><p>Otis finished his last piece of omelette and put down his cutlery and sat back to watch her.</p><p>"And I didn't want to have to deal with the little dickhead," Maeve said.</p><p>"Did you know about your sister before this?"</p><p>"Yeah. I'd met her. Seen her. Held her. She was nothing to me. Crying little shit-machine."</p><p>Otis looked gently at her.</p><p>"What?" Maeve asked.</p><p>"I have two brothers from dad's last marriage. We've spent time together but we're not close. But I've never had to pretend I didn't love them."</p><p>"I wasn't going to see her, was I? They were moving up north." She couldn't conceal the tears in her voice.</p><p>Otis kept his gaze on her.</p><p>"How do you feel about your brothers?" Maeve asked.</p><p>"Oh, my stuff isn't—" he began to protest.</p><p>"Takes me out of my own shit, Otis," she said quietly.</p><p>Otis nodded, then said, "Sometimes, I've had to pretend I wasn't jealous that they had dad when I didn't."</p><p>Maeve nodded, understanding. "It's not that," she said. "I just didn't want mum to fuck her up like she did me."</p><p>"You're not fucked up, Maeve," Otis said, sharply, sitting forward. "Look at you. Look at everything you're doing. Look at today. Look at the Quiz Team. You said they kicked you out because you weren't a team player, but up there today you <em>were</em> a team player. You were all working together. It's not that you even won that I'm most proud of."</p><p>Maeve swallowed against the rawness in her throat.</p><p>"It's that you came back," he continued. "You tried. With all the shit against you, including me, you were taking such good care of your sister and proving how smart you are and how determined you are and showing how much effort you're putting in to learn."</p><p>Maeve sniffled.</p><p>"You are without a doubt the strongest person I know," Otis said.</p><p>"I don't want to be fucking strong," Maeve said, loudly, slamming her fork down on her plate, glaring at him.</p><p>Otis noticed the woman behind the counter glance over and shook his head gently, holding his hand in a gesture to placate her.</p><p>"I am sick of being fucking strong," Maeve continued. "I am sick of having to deal with Erin every time she wants to pretend she's reformed. I'm sick of trusting dickheads who always let me down. I'm sick of all the shit I have to go through just to pay the rent. I'm sick of every fucking guy I meet wanting to get his dick up me. I'm sick of trying so hard just to scrabble an inch forward while people who say they support me are trying to drag me back down with them."</p><p>Otis swallowed and breathed slowly and knew it was not yet time to speak.</p><p>"I'm just sick of it. I'm tired. I just want to be able to fall – just once – knowing someone was there to catch me. I just want…"</p><p>Maeve stopped and sniffed and reached into her purse to drop money on the table.</p><p>"Maeve…?" Otis said.</p><p>"I'm going somewhere. You can come if you want," she said, bitterly, then stood and walked out of the café.</p><p>Otis hurried to drag money from his wallet and drop it on the table. He started for the door then stopped and turned back to grab and pay for a couple of bottles of water from the fridge before hurrying after her.</p><hr/><p>Maeve led Otis along the abandoned railway line, sidling around obstacles as they appeared in her path.</p><p>"Where are we going?" Otis asked.</p><p>Maeve didn't respond, just stopped and took a sip of water.</p><p>Otis took a sidestep to avoid bumping into her then looked at her face in the moonlight.</p><p>"Maeve…?" he asked, concerned.</p><p>"Shut up," Maeve said, then started walking again.</p><p>Otis followed her as they emerged into a clearing in the trainyard.</p><p>Otis looked around and a memory washed through him. "This must be where Eric said Adam brought them for their moonlight trysts. How do you know about it?"</p><p>"Ola brought us here," Maeve said, looking around.</p><p>"Us?"</p><p>"Bunch of us girls had a venting session. Bashed the shit out of the men who pissed us off."</p><p>Otis looked around.</p><p>"Not literally, dickhead," Maeve said.</p><p>She found what she was looking for and picked up the sledgehammer.</p><p>"Catch this," she said and tossed the bottle of water at him.</p><p>Otis fumbled catching it and bent down to pick it up.</p><p>When he looked sheepishly at Maeve, he was puzzled by the gaze she was giving him.</p><p>"What?" he asked.</p><p>"You look cute, Otis," Maeve said.</p><p>Otis swallowed, trying not to smile. He nodded at the sledgehammer. "What are you going to do with that?"</p><p>"I want to break something," Maeve said and looked at Otis as if pondering whether it should be him.</p><p>"Um…," Otis said.</p><p>Maeve shook her head. "You're not worth going to jail for murder over."</p><p>Maeve looked around and noticed an unscathed washing machine and walked over to it.</p><p>"You're going to hit it?" Otis asked.</p><p>"Yep," Maeve said as she raised the sledgehammer. It was heavier than she expected.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because it's better than getting drunk and telling my boyfriend he's a selfish prick."</p><p>Otis drew in a quick breath, shocked at the word, hopeful about what it meant.</p><p>Maeve turned away, drew in a deep breath and yelled and brought the sledgehammer down on the washing machine.</p><p>Otis flinched at the sound.</p><p>Maeve looked at him. "I wish I'd never fucking listened to Eric."</p><p>"Don't blame Eric. He was right. I should have talked to you."</p><p>"Why the fuck would you throw a party?"</p><p>Otis walked slowly over to her.</p><p>"Ola said I was uptight. I was trying to prove I could be spontaneous. But it wasn't supposed to be a party. It was just supposed to be a small gathering."</p><p>"Who did you invite?"</p><p>"Eric and Rahim," he said, sheepishly. "I don't have a lot of friends. Just clients."</p><p>"Aimee and Steve like you."</p><p>"How is Aimee? She looked upset at the party. Did I say something to her? Oh, god, I am a real arsehole."</p><p>Maeve shook her head. "You didn't say anything. She's got… some shit in her life. She's dealing."</p><p>"Will she be okay?"</p><p>"Yeah, she's strong."</p><p>"Good," said Otis. "She's so sweet."</p><p>"Oh, and it'd be okay for her to have to deal with some shit if she wasn't sweet?" said Maeve with an edge in her voice.</p><p>"No," said Otis quietly. "It wouldn't. You taught me that. With Ruby."</p><p>Maeve pressed her lips together and raised the sledgehammer. "Get out of the way," she said.</p><p>Otis hurried backwards, half-hiding behind a nearby car.</p><p>"Fuck Ruby for having sex with Otis," Maeve said and brought the sledgehammer down on the washing machine again.</p><p>Otis walked over to her again.</p><p>"You feel better after doing that?" he asked.</p><p>"Yeah," Maeve said.</p><p>Otis stared at the washing machine for a while then asked the question that had been building.</p><p>"Ola brought you here? You and she are talking?"</p><p>Maeve nodded. "Yeah, we're bitching about you now," she said and smiled at Otis' reaction. "We cleared the air."</p><p>"How?"</p><p>"We were fighting about you until Aimee reminded us that there were more important things than fighting about some stupid boy."</p><p>Otis nodded. "Do you really believe that?"</p><p>"Absolutely," said Maeve, glaring at him, annoyed.</p><p>"Then why are you wasting that washing machine on some stupid boy?"</p><p>Maeve drew in a deep breath and studied Otis' face. Eventually, she nodded.</p><p>"Move right away," she said.</p><p>Otis hurried back behind the car again and watched as Maeve raised the sledgehammer again.</p><p>"Fuck mum for letting that shit be more important to her than her family," she yelled and brought the sledgehammer down.</p><p>"Fuck mum for letting me love Elsie only to lose her again."</p><p>"Fuck Sean for not being there to help me help mum get her life back together."</p><p>"Fuck Isaac for poking his nose in when I never asked him to and fuck Isaac for being right."</p><p>"Fuck dad for not thinking I was worth getting to know."</p><p>Maeve let the head of the sledgehammer fall to the ground, resting her hands on the handle as her body quivered.</p><p>Otis started walking slowly toward her.</p><p>Maeve shook her head. "I've got one more for the stupid boy."</p><p>Otis reached her and she looked up into his face.</p><p>"Why don't you just say it to the stupid boy in person?" he said quietly.</p><p>Maeve stared at him then straightened, letting the sledgehammer fall to the ground.</p><p>Her voice was filled with sadness as she stared into his eyes and said, "Fuck Otis for being the stupid boy I'm still in love with."</p><p>Otis quietened a sniffle and held his arms open and Maeve stepped into them. As they closed their arms in an embrace, Maeve's body quivered as she released as much sadness as she could.</p><p>She wondered if this was what it felt like for someone to catch her as she fell.</p><hr/><p>Otis had found two reclining chairs discarded amidst the other outcast junk and dragged them together. Now he and Maeve were lying on their sides, gazing at each other, fingers entwined.</p><p>"I thought I'd got you out of my system the other day. Your name came up quite a lot," Maeve said.</p><p>"I'm sorry for hurting you," Otis murmured.</p><p>"I'm scared, Otis," she said, softly.</p><p>Otis nodded.</p><p>"I don't know if I can risk giving you the chance to hurt me again," Maeve said.</p><p>Otis set his jaw and blinked to hold back rising tears.</p><p>"Promise me you won't hurt me again," she whispered.</p><p>"I'm an arsehole, Maeve," he said, voice raw. "I could promise but would it mean anything?"</p><p>"What can you promise me?"</p><p>"That I'll try <em>not</em> to be an arsehole. I'll try to be a better person. And I'll do everything I can to never, ever hurt you again."</p><p>"How can you promise that?" she asked, softly.</p><p>"The three T's."</p><p>"What are the three T's?"</p><p>"Talking, truth and… trust." Otis saw the flinch in her eyes. "I'll try to earn back your trust."</p><p>Maeve ran her eyes across his face, thankful for the moonlight.</p><p>"Why wouldn't you fuck me? In the caravan?" she asked.</p><p>Otis paused and gathered his thoughts. "I didn't think you meant it. I thought you were just saying that to hurt me. That I'd say yes and you'd say forget it. Or…"</p><p>"Or?"</p><p>"That we'd have sex and then you'd tell me to fuck off out of your life so I'd know exactly what I lost when I fucked up."</p><p>"I wouldn't do that. Nobody's worth that."</p><p>"Maybe I should have said yes. Given you the chance to hurt me like that," he said quietly.</p><p>Maeve reflected for a moment. "Maybe I was thinking that. I could fuck you and get you out of my system."</p><p>"You'd have been disappointed. I'm not very good."</p><p>"Who said—Oh, yeah. Ruby."</p><p>"She said I'm not terrible, but I'm not great."</p><p>"You'll get better with practice."</p><p>Otis studied her for a moment and then asked, tentatively, "Do you really want to have sex, Maeve? I'm sorry. I don't know. I can't tell. I'm not reading you. If you do…"</p><p>Maeve ran her eyes across his face then said, "It's your turn to smash shit."</p><p>"Oh, no, I don't—" Otis began to protest.</p><p>"You're angry about shit. Don't deny it. Smash stuff."</p><p>"It's just…"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I've got my mum. I've got my dad. Kind of. I'm not dealing with the shit you have to deal with."</p><p>"Everybody's entitled to feel their pain, Otis."</p><p>"It seems so trivial next to yours."</p><p>"Life is not a comparison of the chamber of horrors. Smash stuff."</p><p>Otis gazed at her for a moment then nodded and stood and walked over to find the sledgehammer.</p><p>Maeve sat up and put her arms around her knees to watch him.</p><p>Otis picked up the sledgehammer, surprised by its weight, then looked around. His eyes came to rest on the car. It was already very damaged but still intact enough.</p><p>He thought for a moment then raised the sledgehammer. "Fuck Mr Wilson for not being able to explain maths properly," he said and brought the sledgehammer down on the car's hood, adding to the dents.</p><p>Maeve smiled to herself.</p><p>"Fuck Mr Groff for getting Maeve kicked out of school," he said and made another dent by his first.</p><p>"More personal, shitbrain," Maeve called.</p><p>Otis looked at her then raised the hammer again.</p><p>"Fuck Mr Groff for using mum's notes to get her kicked out of school."</p><p>"Fuck me for breaking her trust."</p><p>"Fuck dad for being an arsehole."</p><p>"Fuck dad for leaving me behind."</p><p>"Fuck mum for marrying that arsehole."</p><p>"Fuck Jackson for not letting me give back the fucking money."</p><p>"Fuck Maeve for telling me how she felt when she knew I was with Ola."</p><p>"Fuck Ola for making me choose."</p><p>"Fuck me for being a coward."</p><p>"Fuck me for hurting the people I love."</p><p>"Fuck me for being so selfish."</p><p>Otis let the sledgehammer drop from his hands and stood swaying at the adrenaline pumping through him.</p><p>Maeve rose and walked quietly over to him and gently touched his shoulder.</p><p>He stared at her and she wrapped her arms around him and he returned the embrace. She was more than he could ever deserve.</p><hr/><p>Sometime later, Maeve and Otis leant against the smoothest remaining section of the car. Otis stared at the ground.</p><p>"Mum said something to me this morning. It hurts, but it hurts because she's right," Otis said.</p><p>"What did she say?" Maeve asked, quietly.</p><p>"With dad in America, she always gets my worst."</p><p>Maeve took in a long soft breath but kept silent.</p><p>"I got her fired," said Otis.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"I was the one who took her notebook."</p><p>Maeve frowned, very concerned. "Why?"</p><p>"I wanted to know what she was doing. I saw her with Ola—"</p><p>"You wanted to know what Ola was saying about you? Fucking hell, Otis."</p><p>"No, no. I just wanted to know what mum was doing. Whether she found out about the sex clinic."</p><p>"Do you go around snooping on people? Did you go snooping on me?"</p><p>"No, no, Maeve. I… the only other time I can think of is when mum didn't lock her laptop and I saw she was writing something and I looked and saw she was writing about me."</p><p>"She was writing a book about you?"</p><p>"<em>Bringing Up Men: Profile Of A Post-Pubescent Boy With Sexual Phobias.</em>"</p><p>"Bloody hell. Did she ask you first?"</p><p>"No," said Otis.</p><p>"That wasn't very nice."</p><p>Otis shook his head and waved his hand dismissively. "It's not important. We've dealt with it. But that time I kind of stumbled across it and was curious. This time I deliberately went out of my way to be shitty."</p><p>"You wouldn't have put all those notes all over the school," Maeve said, hoping that was true.</p><p>"It was Groff."</p><p>"How do you know?"</p><p>"I know he was in the corridor when I put it in my locker. He must have seen me and knew what it was and he's the only one with the master key."</p><p>"God, he's a fucking arsehole," Maeve snarled.</p><p>"He couldn't have done it if I hadn't stolen mum's notes."</p><p>"You didn't know that would happen," she said, gently.</p><p>"I knew it was wrong."</p><p>Maeve laid her head gently against his shoulder.</p><p>"Even Ola's dad thinks I'm an arsehole," Otis said.</p><p>Maeve lifted her head to look at him, surprised. "He said that?"</p><p>"Yeah. I mean, he also said I was a good man but how can I be a good man and an arsehole? I think he was just being nice."</p><p>"You are a good one, Otis."</p><p>"After the way I treated you? How can you say that?"</p><p>"Because I get you."</p><p>Otis looked at her and smiled gently. "I wish I could get you."</p><p>Maeve pressed her lips together and said nothing.</p><p>"Your friend Isaac is right. There is so much about you, your life I will never get," Otis said.</p><p>"Yeah, he does get me," Maeve murmured. "Gets me in ways you probably never will."</p><p>Otis dropped his gaze to the ground, knowing what was coming.</p><p>"But you get me in ways he never could," Maeve said.</p><p>Otis looked at her, surprised.</p><p>"Isaac gets me where he is," Maeve said. "Wants me where he is. I don't know if he knows he's doing it. I don't know if it's because of his circumstances or because that's just who he is."</p><p>She ran her gaze tenderly across Otis' face.</p><p>"You get me where I want to be," she continued. "You see so much more for me."</p><p>She could see Otis struggling to understand and smiled to herself.</p><p>"Besides," she smirked. "I feel comfortable around Isaac. I haven't felt comfortable around you for a long time."</p><p>Otis frowned. "I don't think I do get you, Maeve. I don't understand."</p><p>"You will," she said quietly.</p><p>"Okay," Otis said, still gently confused.</p><p>Maeve gazed at him softly for a long while then murmured, "Would you be my boyfriend?"</p><p>And then Otis got it. He took a deep breath and smirked, "Only if you'll be my girlfriend."</p><p>Maeve crinkled her nose in the way he found so cute. "I'll think about it."</p><p>She leaned forward, tilting her head and Otis met her lips tenderly with his.</p><p>It was better than she had always imagined it would be.</p><p>"Do you have a condom?" Maeve asked when the kiss was over.</p><p>"Yes," Otis said.</p><p>"Do you want to fuck me?" she asked softly.</p><p>"Yes," he said.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope this worked. I'm never sure. I just needed to get some of my annoyance at that ending out so I can get back to the happy place with Otis and Maeve in my other story.</p><p>For the record, my issue is not with still keeping Maeve and Otis apart. It's the artificial way they did it. Have it come from within the characters we love. Have Otis makes his declaration but Maeve is not yet willing to trust him enough to forgive him. That would have been heartbreaking.</p><p>Instead they've admitted they chose to deliberately piss us off.</p><p>Writers. Sheesh.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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